Mom Guilt & Me Time

In this episode of Sideline Spill, we’re talking about mom guilt, burnout, and self-care. From constantly pouring into everyone else to learning how to give ourselves grace, this is an honest conversation about balance, boundaries, remembering who we are, and learning how to show up for ourselves in the middle of motherhood.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I don't feel guilty because I know that if I'm not healthy in the aspect of feeling good and filling my cup and being my own person that I can't pour into the people around me, my kids, everyone. Welcome back to the Sideline Spill. This is Sabrina and Monica and Heidi. Travel sports doesn't just take over your weekends, it quietly takes over your relationships too. Your marriage, your friendships, even your relationship with yourself. So the question is, are we building memories or slowly burning out? And I feel like that's something we really don't talk about enough. So I'm curious, when did you first notice that sports were starting to impact your relationships or home life?

SPEAKER_02 0:47

I think for me it takes over kind of slowly because it takes over your time, right? So we practice, we travel, we have tournaments, next thing you know, you have soccer four or five days a week. It's just a it starts out as a matter of a timing issue, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I think for me, I notice that I'm missing things around me more happen like that's happening, like uh kids' birthday parties, like our friends' kids' birthday parties, you know, we we would miss them to because we're at a tournament or we're away that weekend. Um even just spending time with my uh personal family, you know, like my mom and dad or my siblings and stuff, um, doesn't happen as much. But also their life is also busy with sports too, so they understand. Um but yeah, it it does it gets hard to you have to really be intentional with your time for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

About that time and yeah, be very intentional. I think for us, it was the excitement first of travel sports. It's like we get to go these places, we're excited about it, and then next thing you know, you're like missing parties, like you said, and events and scheduling your whole life actually around your sports life because you're trying to make that commitment and show up and teach your kids how to show up. So as much as it was like a slow thing, it was also like one day I woke up and I'm like, wow, like I have a calendar, I have to follow it, I have to have everything set up for the next six months, just about.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

How do you decide when it's time to skip soccer versus when it's time to skip an event like a bridal shower, baby shower, or birthday party? I will say from my own personal experience, for example, um, we have a wedding coming up at the end of May, and my first instinct was we're not going. We just we've got a tournament. How are we gonna go? And then, you know, I had to step back and think, we have known the groom since he was literally a baby. He grew up with my brother, he's practically been a part of the family, and Xandra has this support system in the team, which is great, and I know that he can get there, right? So have you guys had a similar experience where you've said no maybe when you shouldn't have, or said yes when you shouldn't have?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

I think for me, I kind of look at the event like, is this gonna be something that's never gonna be able, I'm not gonna be able to see again? Is this a first time for something? Is this a first birthday? Is this a wedding? Is this um maybe somebody's first baby shower? Um, I think those are the things that I try to prioritize. Um soccer is always happening. And as much as I hate missing games, like I hate it. Uh we've talked about it, major FOMO when I'm not there. But also, like you said, Monica, you know, even though my family doesn't usually go to support all the time, um, I have my sports family that is there to support him and treat him like their own. So I know that he's he'll be fine if I miss a game here and there. What about you, Sabrina?

SPEAKER_01 4:16

I we haven't had too many issues. Um, and that's actually a huge surprise in the last three years, but we more or less just kind of tag team it. If it's something that is just like a bridal shower, something that I would just go to, then you know, Credence and I will go to it. Chase can go handle, you know, tournaments or games or whatever, and then vice versa. Um but we haven't had too many of those issues. But I I like what you said. So I'm gonna definitely take that advice if there is something that, you know, a wedding or something like that, and CJ could potentially go with someone else, then amazing, you know? Or, you know, if it's someone very close to us and it's supposed to be like a family thing, then I think at that point it would be a hard decision. But maybe choose for him to miss part of it. You know, if it's a tournament, more times than not, we'll just jet there after something. But if it's just one game, I don't know. It's hard to miss anything though. I like being with you guys and and CJ hates missing games. So I hope we don't have to really uh do too many of those in the future.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

That's true. I didn't really think about the part of like Roman missing. He doesn't really miss unless right, he's hurt.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

That's a great point. In my mind, I still wasn't thinking that that was even an option. Yeah, exactly. I got myself out of it, but I didn't get Xander out of it. Yeah. Now, granted, in this particular case, I don't think it would make sense to have him skip it. But um, but you know, I think we do have to weigh that and remember that you know they do have many years of playing soccer ahead of them, and we don't want to let the team down, so it needs to be important, but we also don't want to let our families down. Oh, yeah, 100%. A common issue that we all have is that we have multiple children who have different sports or have different activities going on.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

How do you balance that? I'm gonna have to say again, it's all about the tag teaming. It's hopefully having someone in your life that can compensate where you can't be. Um, because you know, we can't be in three places at once. We can't be at home cleaning or, you know, leaving from our job to go take one to practice in this one. And it's just a constant like going in a million different directions. So it's having community and having support. And I know not everyone has that, and I'm thankful to have a level of that. Um, and so far we've been able to make it work. So um until it doesn't, I'm thankful for what I do have. What about you, Heidi?

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Um, well, my girls are older now, um, but we did go through one season. I remember the spring season, it was terrible. Let me tell you. We had Mariah in volleyball, Belle in basketball, and Roman in soccer. And there's only two of us. Yeah. Um, I don't tend to ask my family for a whole lot of help unless I really, really have to. And um, you know, all of our friends at the time that we were close with had their own stuff going on on the weekends, right? So I didn't have a lot of that kind of support either. So it was hard. Again, like Sabrina said, divide and conquer. We tag team. Thankfully, we were able to make it work. Um, just games not being at the exact same time, but it was rough. It was rough. But I'm glad it only happened for one spring season because I don't think I personally could have continued like that.

unknown 7:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

I was gonna say, I don't know how, because I'm coming from two kids in comp at the same location. It was getting a little hairy when Credence was at a whole different location and there was gonna be a lot of like crossing paths. Um, and then it got switched back. And so in my mind, I'm like, oh well, CJ, you're gonna go 45 minutes to practice. I'm just dropping everyone off. I'm gonna, you know, whatever. But I can't imagine being in three whole different places.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Yeah, it was it was crazy. I honestly, and I think it I am another blurred moment in my mind because I honestly don't remember how we actually did it. Um, I like it, like I said, I think it was just timing ended up working on our side. Um, but it was hard, it was really hard, and and we got burnt out pretty quickly. So I was kind of grateful that um one of them stopped. So, what about you, Monica?

SPEAKER_02 8:58

So for us, we have two who are in sports right now. Um, our oldest is in travel soccer, and then my youngest, Colton, is in rec soccer. Um, and so it can get challenging at times. I don't think it's quite to the level that you two ladies have experienced having three children. Um, and um, so I'm fortunate. Uh, I feel like we're fortunate in that regard. Um, but right now we're in a unique position because Josh assistant coaches the boys travel team, and then he's also head coach for Colton's rec team. So we end up with some conflicts, not a ton. We've been fortunate not to have too many, but you know, it it's an evaluation, I feel like, at times of like, how do we make sure no one feels like they're left out or they're second best, or um, and how do we also support both teams? And, you know, I mean, in this particular case, it's uh it's been a relatively easy decision when there are a couple conflicts because he's assistant coach on the travel team. Um, we're gonna prioritize him head coaching for Colton's team. Um, but you know, there's been a lot of times where there's been, you know, activities or birthday parties or other things that aren't even travel or soccer games that could come into conflict. And we're just really lucky to have family in town that can help us.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Your entourage? Our entourage, yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

I have a whole entourage for them listening. I love you guys. You guys are awesome. Um, but like we love a grandparent. That's right. I got we got uh we got a total cheering squad, and I'm very lucky. And um, and so I just have gotten I just have to remind myself that we need to ask for help when we need it. We have lots of help available. Um, and you know, I realize that not everyone has that. So I just am extremely grateful.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like it's easier to ask a friend for help than family. No dig on my family whatsoever, but like they just have so much in their own lives, and I know like my mom would be quick to come and help. But it I I think the reason, and I don't know for sure, is because we're all in the same boat. We all understand what it's like to have travel soccer players and the commitment that we've made and the things that we do on the outside of this. We're also, you know, friends outside of here. So I feel like it's easier for me to ask one of you guys, like, hey, you could blah, blah, blah, or whatever. Over mom, could you drive CJ all the way to Sacramento?

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Well, also, we're all going in the same direction. Yeah. Yeah. It makes more sense. It makes sense that we would feel more comfortable asking our friends that are already going.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I think I've always had a hard time asking for help. And I'm not quite sure why. I feel like my mom was a do-it-all. So I had like this really high expectation for myself when I saw my mom and everything she did, and everything she did for us, and that she was at every game. And so it's like I set this high expectation for myself, given that we have completely different lives, but still thought, like, no, I should be able to still do it all. But I work full-time, I have another job that I help with, you know, and all these different moving pieces. So I need to get better, even with you girls and like the coach and everything, asking for help if I need it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Do you guys ever struggle?

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Yeah, I struggle for at with asking for help. I'm getting better at it. Um, but it's hard because you don't ever want to feel like a burden to somebody. And not that I feel like that when people ask me for help though. So I don't know why I would feel like that, but um, yeah, I struggle with that.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, I would say I'm the same way. Um, although I think that you guys have probably picked up on this. I like to do all of the things, right? Um sometimes I think I just try to do too much, and then it doesn't leave any time, any downtime or any time for me or my family in those quieter moments, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yeah, yeah. We definitely needed to get better at that. Speaking of not asking for help, I know after work, sports, just life in general, you start to get a little burnt out. So have you ever felt burnt out as a sports parent?

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Um, I think there have been times when we have had a lot of conflicts in scheduling or the boys' schedules aren't aligning on the same day, so then you end up with like every day practicing or every day doing that. I think when it tends to happen though, for me, I don't know if you guys feel this way, but for me, soccer is a kind of a fun thing that I look forward to and and enjoy, and it doesn't take a lot of like energy from me, right? Um, so it's when you have the go go go of soccer, and usually there's something else like work is taking a lot of time in the evenings because there's something going on, or um, you know, maybe there's other things happening at home that are impacting. So, I mean, that's my experience.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

That's what I was gonna say is that burnout is real. I'm not disregarding that at all. And but it's weird for me because soccer, I've I've said this to so many people, like my clients that I have at work, um, Chase, my family. I look forward to games. I get excited to travel, I get excited to go watch CJ and his friends play. Tournament weekends are like the best. So, not necessarily a burnout from that aspect of it, but I think in momhood in general, like ever since I became a mom, it's like you pour everything into everyone else and you want to build them all up, but at the same time, you're kind of like depleting yourself a little bit if you're not good at it. I wasn't good at it. I wasn't good at balancing that from day one until I started to become very aware. I'm like, what fills my cup? Certain friendships fill my cup, going, making sure I do the craft thing that we do once every three months or however long it is, soccer weekends, they those are things that do fill my cup. So as much as there is burnout from the go, go, go, the practices and all three kids being in sports, there's also an amount of like filling my cup still with going to the games and stuff. So I can relate.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Yeah, I would agree. I also look forward to weekends of soccer with our with our sports family. Um, I think the only time I have really felt some burnout was when um well okay, let me let me back up because I we used to live further away, right, from the soccer park, and um we didn't have help bringing Roman and after work I did not want to drive over here. It sounds it might sound silly, but it's just it was just a pain in the butt. So let me tell you, when practices got canceled, I was excited. I was like, yes, a night off of traveling to the park. It's not even that far, but it felt like so far because I was just so exhausted, right? But really, as a sports parent in general, I I look forward. I look forward to my days at the on the pitch. Or I guess I'm not really on the pitch, but on the sidelines of the pitch.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

I was gonna ask you, girls, what if you can think back prior to sports mom era, like intense sports mom era, I'll rephrase that. What do you miss from your quote unquote old life? Like your hobbies and things like that. Is there anything that you miss anymore or that you wish that you were still doing, or or did you have hobbies prior or not?

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Gosh, what hobby haven't I had? Um coffee maker. Coffee making. I I missed um baking. I do, I love to bake. I still do bake quite a bit, but I have not baked near as much in recent time as as in the past, because there just is enough time isn't enough time. Baking tends to be something that takes a few hours, right? Who has a few hours? So um, and then just creative things in general. I think for me, like when you talk about hobbies, it tends to be things that are more creative and you kind of get yourself lost in it, right? So looking at hobbies, I would say that's what I think of.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah, same. I'm I feel like I'm not in my uh creative era right now. I feel like I have like a creative block almost. Yeah. I try to come up with things and it just doesn't come to me anymore. But I don't really think that has to do with sports, honestly. I think that's just life in general, work, school, family, all the things, so many different things that you have going through your brain at all times. Um I think that is what's blocking my creative side. But we'll get there back someday. Let me try that again. We'll get back there someday.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

We knew what you meant. Yeah. I I'd have to agree. Um, I sometimes tell myself, okay, that's just an excuse, you can find time. But then when I really look at the time, there's a lot going on in between work and games and even just being in the car driving back and forth. And then you're exhausted. So does getting out all the craft supplies sound really invigorating and exciting? Yeah. Not always, but I do know that the times where we make the time to do our craft parties, I feel like so happy, except not macrame. No, macrame. No, I'm kidding. I have one more question. Do you guys ever feel guilty for taking time for yourselves in between already having so much to do with sports and everything else?

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Yes. Uh, I think some of that's just normal mom guilt, right? Um, I feel like I have been a little bit better recently at taking time to do things like go get a pedicure or go to a movie or hang out with a friend and get a cup of coffee. Um and you know, part of that is um that, you know, having someone there, Josh in in my case, who it will help provide the space for that. Um, so if I need to go do that, he's very supportive about, you know, um, go take the time I got the voice, right? Um, but there's still, I think, always a little bit of a guilt, mom guilt element behind it because I don't know, I love my boys and I always feel torn because I enjoy spending time with them. They're really sweet boys, and you know, they are our world, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:33

I mean, I think we all have a little bit of mom guilt sometimes, right? But I do try to give myself grace um to be able to be my own person. I was, you know, a woman before I was a mom and a wife, and um, I need to allow myself to do things that I enjoy as well to fill my cup.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

I I have to agree, but also just reflecting on the way I grew up versus the way I am now, and seeing how my mom just poured into all of us, into her marriage. We were her best friends, we did everything with her, and I had an example of a great mom. She was amazing, and but I didn't have an example of like taking time for myself. Like we were her time, like she just found herself in us, and vice versa. So it's hard to give myself enough grace today to be able to take time for myself without guilt. But it's something that I've been working on for a long time, and I think I've finally gotten to a point to where I don't feel guilty because I know that if I'm not healthy in the aspect of feeling good and filling my cup and being my own person, that I can't pour into the people. Around me, my kids, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

So did you do anything intentional to get to the point where you felt like you didn't have to feel guilty?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Yeah. The last few years I have been on this huge journey of self-growth and unlearning behaviors and unhealthy behaviors and relearning things. And so it's been a really long good and bad journey. I mean, not everyone likes to uh realize that they have to unlearn some things. Um, but it's it in the grand scheme of things that I have read so many books and just studied on so many things because I just want to be a better version of myself. And I want to be the healthiest version of myself so my children have something to go off of as well. Um, so even though my mom was an exceptional mom, I had to unlearn only being just mom and relearn how to be a healthier version of a mom. Not saying that my mom wasn't healthy, lovey mom, but knowing that we all have different needs as individual people, and it took relearning who I was, and maybe even like a new version of myself since I've become mom and wife and everything. So today I feel like I'm more comfortable telling myself, yes, go get that pedicure, yes, go to the craft date. And I don't have anyone in my life telling me I can't go do that or making me feel guilty for it. It was me doing it to myself.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

Can I just say that from an outsider perspective, it does feel like you are comfortable in your skin. And that you are self-aware. Um, and you also are good at finding space for other people. Oh, thank you. You're a good example for us to, you know, keep working towards that.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Well, it's not easy, it's a continuous everyday solution, right? Every day waking up and choosing myself, but choosing just healthier versions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Well, thank you for that. You're welcome. I think it's hard because our parents grew up in that world of you know, the women took care of the family, the men were the providers, and I feel like our moms were not a good example of how to do that. Let me think about it for a second, and then what what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 24:33

They were not a good example for who we have to be today. We have to have dual incomes and things like that that they didn't know would happen to us. Right, right, yeah. So they got to be moms. Exactly. But we're mom and wife and provider because we have to most places.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yeah, we have to have the two income, yeah. Um, but also I think it just not knowing how to be their own person either. Like you said, your your mom lived for you guys, and I I love my children, don't get me wrong, and I've always tried, even when in my marriage, try to remember they're gonna leave and do their own thing someday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Are you gonna cry? Yeah, this time is just temporary, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Exactly, exactly. And like, you know, when they leave, we have to be able to be who be our own person, but also and then also still have that connection with our spouse too, which is really hard.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Yeah, I I'm glad that you brought that up because um I love my mom, she is an exceptional person. Um, she gave so much, and her and my dad were no longer together. They became friends towards the end of his life. Um, and I loved seeing that all happen. Um, but I had come to a realization for myself that not all kids stay around. Like her three did. Um, and you know, she doesn't have any friends outside of us, and she says that she's okay with it and we're all she needs, and everything like that. And that could be a hundred percent true. She is her own person, but I I I learned a lot about myself and that I actually I need more than that. Yeah, I love my kids. I would love to go move wherever they do, but it really isn't realistic with three. Yeah, they could all get married and go different places. So I love the aspect of you saying like we need to we need to know ourselves and who we are and what we need because they won't be here forever.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

I mean, our spouses won't even be here forever.

SPEAKER_02 26:46

So do you guys ever feel like there's like a ticking clock in the background? Like we only have I mean, let's be real, our kids are gonna be 13 this year. We have five years with our oldest boy. Well, in my case, I'm sorry, with my oldest five years. That's hard.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

It's hard, and then in the same aspect, you're last.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

That's even harder. I would agree. I'm sorry, Heidi.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yes, I do feel like there is. Some days I don't want to admit it, and then other days I realize my CJ, who made me a mom and is now my oldest, um, went from telling me that he was gonna live with me forever to like his plans and his hopes and his dreams, and I'm never gonna be one to be like, no, stay with me. Right, you know, because um I just recently had told my mom that was one reason why I didn't go away to college because I was like afraid to leave her because I was all she had.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Um, I don't want my kids to feel that way.

SPEAKER_03 27:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

So that has been something that I've been very conscious about. Not putting my feelings on my kids to make them not make choices that they truly might want to do or their dreams and hopes and all of that stuff. So yes, there is a ticking clock. I feel it a lot, but I try not to fixate on it.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Yeah. With the ticking clock and kind of understanding that we can't lose ourselves in all the busyness of motherhood. What can we do to prepare ourselves for that?

SPEAKER_01 28:23

To not lose ourselves? I think we're doing it. At least for the first time in my journey as a mom, I feel like I have the community that I always wanted to help me not lose myself. Also, I'm a little bit more aware than I was like five years ago of what I I truly need, not the oh no, I'm good. I'm good. But I think like us being friends and and the community that we have with doing craft stuff and and I don't know, I just even this podcast, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Like this is I feel like along the way it's gonna be kind of like a healing journey to Yeah, I totally agree.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

It's been really fun to to get together to do this, also to share it with other people and have them enjoy it, right? Yeah and love it.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

I just hope we continue to be relatable and relevant.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Um and momhood is gonna be always relevant, that's very true. That's very true. I think we're we're good to go.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Yeah. So do you think your boys see you as more than just mom? Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

No, not yet. They will. They will because you know, I have the two older girls, and now yes, they see me as mom, but we're also friends.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

With CJ being the older one, I feel like all three of my kids credence. She's seven, and she sometimes will look at me and she'll go, Isn't it really hard being a mama? And I'm like, Yes, but it's my most favorite thing in this whole entire world. She goes, and then I'll just be like, Well, why? And she's like, I can tell you're a little stressed, mom. Yeah. And it's like things like that where she's like, she sees me as mom, but then I I feel that she sees me sometimes. And I'm like, you're seven.

unknown 30:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

And then Cross, he has this like deep connection that he gets with people of like, he just asks me these personal questions where I'm like, do these kids like really see me as you know what I mean? And I'm like, I I feel like they're I do have very emotional kids though. Um, and I try to pull that out of them even more. I'm like, no, show me your emotions. I was just telling CG that today. Just it's okay to have emotions, it's okay to feel sad about something or upset, and he'll be like, Oh, yeah, kind of. And then he'll be like, Well, what about you, mom? And like totally deflect a little bit. So I feel like they do, but not quite at another level, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

It does make sense, and I would agree. I think probably my boys are kind of similar. Um, they I can get them to open up and really get into those deep conversations, but you know, at their age, I think it tends to be more about what's going on in their lives, right? But I also think they very much feel what's going on in ours, whether we're stressed because of work or maybe something's going on at home or school or whatever that might look like. Um, I think they pick up on it. Like I've gotten roasted on more than one occasion by my nine-year-old for working too much in the evenings, right? And and it's just, you know, back to that mom guilt. Um nothing will make you feel feel worse than having your nine-year-old tell you that they miss you and they want you to stop working, right? And um pulls up my heart strings, yeah. Um, and you know, sometimes there's seasons and you know it can be unavoidable, but it's a great reminder that you know your kids want you there and they want you present, and being physically present sometimes isn't enough by itself.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Yeah, I appreciate what you were saying, um just about that you're able to pull out conversations for them. I I don't know about you guys, but I made it a choice to be more open with my kids than my parents were with me. I feel like a lot of things were just hidden to protect. And I feel like I'm just more open. I'm like, yeah, you know, this and this is going on, but without like fear in it, it's just like more of like, this is why I'm stressed. Not just I'm stressed or I'm crying or something, which I feel like causes some fear in kids. And so that's why when I grew up, I had that kind of fear of like, what's going on? Why is she crying? Why is this? Why are they arguing? Whatever. And I've made it such a big effort to be like, hey, this is why this is happening, or like apologies in front of them, or whatever we have to do. Because I and I I don't want to go too far. It's definitely like age level appropriate, but I felt like because I was so in the dark as a kid. So, like you talking about being open and like talking with them and pulling that out, I love that because I don't feel like it was necessarily taught to me. So that's also what I do with my kids.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

I do think you hit on something really important too, which is that like we all make mistakes as parents, right? At least I do, put my hand up here and say yes totally. Um, no one's perfect. But um, you know, being able to apologize to your children and recognize that you could have handled something better, um, I think it is really important for them to be able to see what it looks like to take accountability also. 100% um and um, you know, especially younger kids, I feel like they're really good at letting you know when they their feelings are hurt or when they're upset about something, right? We've talked a lot about making time for ourselves. Um, we've also talked about just being burnout at times. Is there any advice that you would give to our listeners?

SPEAKER_00 34:25

Listen to your body for one. When you feel like you need a break, take it. And as much as you might feel guilty for it, you need it.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

I think if you cannot remember the last time you did something for yourself, it's probably time to do something for yourself. Doesn't have to be anything big. Yeah. Doesn't have to be anything big, but you are your own person, and if you want to continue on this, you know, road, whether it's traveling sports or rec, whatever, you have to take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

What would you give to our listeners? I think you know, to kind of echo what you guys have said, but if you're in a position where you're not sure what to do, um you should probably ask yourself, you know, who would you want to spend time with? That could be a good place to start. Invite someone out to coffee, invite your mom out, invite your friend out, whatever that might look like for you. Or explore what your hobbies are, like we talked about earlier. What were things that made you feel alive before you had kids and before you had um the soccer craze? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

And I feel like too, if we have listeners maybe who were young, maybe didn't really know who they were, then just start exploring different things, trying new things. Um, whether it is baking or reading or going on short walks, exercising, something just to get that time in with, like you guys said, with somebody you care about, somebody you enjoy spending time with that does fill your cup. Don't use that time to, you know, clean. Although, you know, that might be therapeutic for some people. So if that's something you then come to my house.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Yeah. Um can we talk just for a second though, about you know, also maybe recognize that there are people who fill you up and there are people who drain you. And the person you feel like you should spend time with may not be the person who fills you up. So think carefully about who that person might be.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Because I feel like depending on whether you grew up a certain way, maybe, or uh just learn different things that chaos could feel like comfort, which could be drama, all the things, or just someone that continues to dump on you. Yeah, you know, and so that could look like comfort initially, but really if you're leaving exhausted and wow, I didn't get to say two words or something, and it's probably not yeah, the person you should be spending that time with.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Yeah, and Sabrina, I heard you talk a lot about kind of self-discovery and reading a lot of books and things like that. If do you have any uh recommendations?

SPEAKER_01 37:20

Oh gosh. I mean, I did just bring a book for Heidi today because we had a little bit of a personal conversation earlier just about life, uh the three of us, and uh something I've read and listened to so many times is The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. And it, I think the first time I read it was a couple years ago, and I just continue to go back to it. And everyone I talk to, I'm like, have you read this? Have you listened to it? Um, I think that that was honestly that one, and there is another one, and I cannot remember who it's by, I can picture the name, but it's called You Are a Badass Sincero or something, Jen Sincero, maybe. I I could be saying that wrong. Um, but those two books were life-changing for me, and every time I read them again or listen to them, I get something new every time. Okay. And so for me, I am so attracted to self-help and growth and things like that. But these two books I I continue to go back to. So those are my recommendations. Well, I appreciate it and I'm excited to read it. I can't wait to hear what you think. Yes. Thank you, ladies, for opening up, being raw, real, honest about mom life, a little bit of marriage in there, sports life, what you do to take care of yourself. To our listeners, we have one question What are you doing right now to take care of you in the middle of all the chaos? We look forward to hearing from all of you. And until next time, we'll see you on the sidelines.