The Sideline Spill
Welcome to the Sideline Spill - the podcast where three moms with coffee cups and chaotic calendars unpack life from the sidelines. From kids' sports to real-life mom moments, nothing's off limits. Grab your brew and join us.
The Sideline Spill
Off the Deep End
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In this episode, we’re putting ourselves in the hot seat and playing How Deep Will You Go? — a question and answer game that takes conversations from funny and lighthearted to unexpectedly real.
This episode is all about letting you get to know the women behind the microphones — not just the sports moms on the sidelines.
Some answers made us laugh, some caught us off guard, and a few got a little emotional. So grab your coffee, settle in, and come spill with us.
Follow The Sideline Spill wherever you listen to podcasts, leave us a review, and come spill the tea (or coffee) with us @the.sideline.spill on Instagram and TikTok. Strong coffee. Stronger moms. Spilling it all.
People are so worried about being uncomfortable. It's like uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is what helps you grow.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. That's what I want my kids to understand. Exactly. And I just it's so it's so everywhere. Like, I mean, I can both feel awkward and have moments of bravery, right? You know? Yeah. So it's like you don't have to feel that way all the time. You'll always be out of your comfort zone. But let's go grow. Welcome back to the Sideline spill. This is Monica. This is Heidi.
SPEAKER_00And Sabrina.
SPEAKER_03All right, ladies. So today we are gonna do something a little different. We're gonna play a little game. It's a card game. And there are three different categories. And each category is a different level of depth of question. So um we can learn a lot, I think, about each other, about our past experiences, and I think it causes you to think pretty introspectively about yourself and who you are. And for anyone who's listening, the game is called How Deep Will You Go. Um you can get it online. And we will start with the easiest level, which is icebreakers. So I'm gonna draw a card here. And the question, ladies, what's a small insecurity of yours?
SPEAKER_01An insecurity I have is sometimes I don't feel like I'm smart enough when I'm in a room with people that are very intellectually gifted. Gifted. Thank you.
SPEAKER_03Why do you feel that way? This is called how deeply.
SPEAKER_01You're lucky you got that out of me.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Well then I got an insecurity that An insecurity I would say I have is I feel like sometimes I'm not outgoing enough. I'm not good at being social with people. I would have never my perspective.
SPEAKER_00So in your mind, you think that?
SPEAKER_03In my mind, I think I'm extremely awkward.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you're not. From my mind. Yeah. From the from a an outside viewpoint, you're not.
SPEAKER_01Well, thank you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01A little weird, but not awkward.
SPEAKER_00It's okay. That's because you know me.
SPEAKER_01Weird's cool. Weird Sunia cool.
SPEAKER_00Um, and insecurity, I have I kind of have to piggyback on what you said, Heidi, is I learn I like to read and stuff and learn more, but sometimes I still feel like I'm not as smart as the people around me, which I'm not trying to compare myself, but sometimes I feel like I can't be a part of that conversation.
SPEAKER_01Let's be real. We're always comparing ourselves to other people. Next question.
SPEAKER_03If you could compliment yourself, what would you say?
SPEAKER_01I am very good at being empathetic. Even when I know people have done wrong, I'm always willing to give them a second chance and look at the deeper meaning to maybe why they have done what they've done in a specific situation rather than just taking it surface level and and not trying to understand it.
SPEAKER_03I guess what comes to mind for me is both in my personal and in my work life, it's important to be neutral and to not have biases, biases. Um and I think I'm really good at doing that, uh looking at facts and not getting too emotionally invested in things. I think that's a strength in a lot of ways.
SPEAKER_00That's a good strength to have. I think, and I don't know, I feel like I can be very inclusive. I want everyone to be a part of the fun things or everyone to be included, everyone to feel like they have a spot, whether it's like with us or something else, like wanting to include everyone. I would say that's a strength.
SPEAKER_01Definitely. You're not a mean girl. You can sit like this. Okay, thank you.
SPEAKER_03She's always been very welcoming. Very happy. Thank you. Uh, what's your happy place?
SPEAKER_00My bathtub.
SPEAKER_03With a loaf of bread. With a loaf of bread from Janelle.
SPEAKER_00Shout out, Janelle. You got the best bread.
SPEAKER_01I'm thinking, but don't look at me like that. You don't think of anything either. No, I'm thinking I already know what your happy place is. I don't know. Somewhere with coffee? What?
SPEAKER_00A baking? Oh. Well, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00With a book, too.
SPEAKER_01Somewhere with a book. Yes. Reading while baking. You can't do it. With coffee in here.
SPEAKER_03My happy place is uh outside in a comfy chair with a book and a cup of coffee.
SPEAKER_01Sitting next to a friend or my son or my husband. I think my happy place is sitting on the lake or some type of water. Maybe it being in my hot tub. But having my coffee and having a good conversation, whether that be with my husband or a friend as well.
SPEAKER_00I'm jealous of the hot tub. I've got a bathtub that is scorching hot. That's my happy place alone.
SPEAKER_01You're welcome to come over anytime.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. I would invite you too, but there's not much room. Thank you. You're welcome. You can sit with me. Okay, next question. What's one big thing you want to change about yourself?
SPEAKER_03I want to start working out. I feel like I'm out of shape. I feel like probably five years ago I was in the best shape I'd ever been in. And there hasn't been time for it lately.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And it feels good once you get in the hang of it.
SPEAKER_01I actually would agree with that. I procrastinate way too often with working out.
SPEAKER_00I know or sounds like we've got something else we're getting ready to do. Um, don't get me wrong, I love being short. But I wish I was like three inches taller so pants would fit me better.
SPEAKER_03So for our listeners, how tall are you?
SPEAKER_00I'm 4'11 and a half.
SPEAKER_03And a half, sure. Let's go measure you on the wall ruler.
SPEAKER_00Next question. What is something specific you're grateful for and why?
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm grateful for soccer because it's brought all of our families together. So sorry to steal that one because I'm sure you guys are gonna want to say the same thing. But ditto.
SPEAKER_00Next. I'm grateful for you girls. I know. I'm I'm just grateful for a lot right now. I'm I would love to name everything off, but I have chosen to start waking up every morning saying what I'm grateful for, and that list is just like growing.
SPEAKER_01So I love that. I need to do that more often. It starts my day the correct way. Oh, what's something your parents warned you about that ended up true?
SPEAKER_00Boys. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Sabrina tells me. They're no good.
SPEAKER_00I'm just kidding. No, um, I spent too much time worrying about boys at a young age. And if I married any of those, I'd be either a groupie to one of them. Or yeah, just really bad relationships for sure. Uh not saying mine is perfect by all means, but yeah, just boys. Yeah. Not spending too much time worrying about it. I wish I spent more time in school, friends, all the things.
SPEAKER_03So I don't think your parents have warned you about that. True. They're pretty much always right.
SPEAKER_00So I have a mug that says, Oh my god, you were right.
SPEAKER_01I think it's I don't know if it's warned, but my you know, my mom used to say, like, I hope you have a daughter like you someday. I did.
SPEAKER_00And I had to call my mom and apologize to her. I've done that a couple times. Sorry, mom. Sorry. You were right about blah blah blah. She's like, it's okay. Yeah. But I know in her head she's like, I told you so. Love you, mom. What about you, Monica?
SPEAKER_01What other pants warned me about? Did they warn you about Joshi?
SPEAKER_03Not really. They like Josh. Ugh.
unknownJust kidding.
SPEAKER_03They warned me about the other ones.
SPEAKER_01What insecurities have you grown out of?
SPEAKER_03When I was younger, I was really shy, which kind of still is like we talked about our insecurity earlier. I think some of that still lingers into the insecurity today about just feeling awkward. But at the same time, I feel like I have grown out of that and I can push myself outside of my comfort zone, both at work and outside of work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because I mean I have I wouldn't have really noticed that. You do really well when we're all out and about. Yeah. Oh yeah. I feel like when we're in more of like, say more of a group of three, I tend to be more quiet. I've talked to you about this before. Like I'm more of like a listener than like a contributor sometimes when I feel like there's more of us. I kind of just am more quiet. I don't really know why it's I'm like that, but it just happens naturally.
SPEAKER_00You kind of take everything in. Because I'm thinking back to when I asked you girls all to meet up when I was going through the issue and you were quiet, but you reached out privately. I think you just like take things in and then like just gather kind of. I don't know how to explain it. Yeah, you're very intentional though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, sometimes it also takes me a minute to like come up with the right words too, or maybe it's not always the right words, but yeah, what I think is the right words, anyways.
SPEAKER_00I went through friendships when I was younger where I wasn't allowed to have more than one friend, and so I was very insecure about nope, I only have to have yeah, I can only have a best friend because they would kind of get like jealous, or and so I feel like I've grown out of that, and now I'm at a point in my life where because I always liked having lots of friends. I had different groups of friends all over and different things I did with different people, and so coming into my you know almost 40s now, I'm like at a comfy spot of being able to have lots of friends.
SPEAKER_01In all transparency, I was that person who only needed that one friend, so I didn't understand why my best friend when I was younger had to have all these other friendships. Um, obviously, as I get older I've have figured it out. Yeah, I've grown, but um I used to be very insecure when they would have other friends. I've been like, well, well, why am I not a part of that? You know? And again, I think it's I because I do do better in smaller groups, like communicating and stuff. So I don't know if that's just kind of the reasoning, but it could be, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then I was always kind of like the person that would bring all these different friends together, like if it was like my birthday party or something, and I didn't have a problem, but it kind of felt a little weird on some other people's aspect, like sides or whatever aspects of wanting all of my attention, kind of yeah, yeah. So I've grown out of that. I was very insecure the opposite way you're saying. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03What are you afraid of passing down to your kids?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I've already passed it down. My body insecurities, at least to my girls, which makes me really sad. Yeah. Roman, I don't know. I'm not sure about him yet.
SPEAKER_00I think for me it would be the people-pleasing side of me that I still kind of fall back in. Reminding me. Yeah. So I I'm very intentional when I catch myself doing it in front of them. I correct it in front of them and show them what it's like to not please everyone around you with still being respectful.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think that's a great answer. I would say that's kind of similar for me. I and I would say my it's kind of the same thing, but just not knowing when to say no, which is slightly a dis different angle of the same issue, right? Yeah. Because I don't ever want to let anyone down and I like to do all the things, but also like it's okay to protect your peace and protect your time and like understand how valuable your time is. And speaking from my personal experience, sometimes I don't do the best at that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I the saying no, I never knew how to say no. I wasn't taught how to say no, I was actually told the opposite. And so that became a problem for me in my teen years and young adult years, and then even into my adulthood of biting off more than I could chew and saying yes to everything because I can do it all. I used to be more like that as well.
SPEAKER_01I think that as I got older, James didn't really I don't want to use the word allow because that sounds like he's controlling me, but he really was like, No, we're not doing that for people. And I guess he kind of taught me how to say no, but it wasn't because he didn't want to be helpful or whatever the reason was. It was more so like he knew when to cut things, he did, but also it was always like they don't it it dro it drove me crazy actually because he would be like, Well, they don't do that for us, why would we do that for them? Right, and I'm not that person, like just because somebody doesn't like that's not why I do things for people. I don't do things to get things out of them or from them. Yeah, um, but also like I knew that his intentionality, is that the right word? Um, wasn't to be mean, it was because he just knew how to protect his peace. Yeah. And I never I never understood that when we were younger.
SPEAKER_00So did you feel like he was more rigid though, in the aspect of being too far that?
SPEAKER_01Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. For sure. He's always more rigid.
SPEAKER_00I just went this way with my mom, just had this conversation. I said, you can't expect yourself out of other people.
SPEAKER_01I've said those exact words to James.
SPEAKER_00And because for so many years she, you know, has cried to me or been upset, like, oh, I've done so much for so and so. And it's true, she does a lot for a lot of people. And I've felt that way before too, but I don't voice it the same way. And just the other day, something came up, and I was like, Well, mom, you can't expect yourself out of other people, it's not realistic. And she's like, Oh.
SPEAKER_01Expectations are a big thing, gotta be realistic with them. Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03What's something you're really passionate about, but don't tell anyone?
SPEAKER_01I don't know if I don't really tell anybody about it, but I am really passionate about advocating for families at my work. Um, I feel like so many people that I um encounter every day have a bad rap because of why they're there, right? Um, just I know I work I also work for the county and in a position that deals with families that have a lot of hardships. And I love being that person that they're able to talk to and vent to and be able to release whatever the emotions that are keeping them from growing because sometimes they just they just a lot of them don't have people, they don't have support, they don't have family, and I like being that person for them. Um, really, that's not my job, but I don't care. Like, that's I enjoy it and I look forward to it, and I look forward to just getting to know them and their stories, and I also look forward to watching them grow as a human. It's so cool to see. Like, obviously, not every story is a happy ending, right? But um just even the not happy endings at some point, most likely, I have made some kind of connection with them, and even if I just helped them in that moment for that season, for that whatever, you know, just was able to be there for them. It's something I'm passionate about.
SPEAKER_03I have always been, I think for me, not that I've never told anyone this, but I feel like bravery is super important, like in um in just in life in general. I think about like all of the important things that have happened in my life were all triggered out of a moment of bravery, of stepping outside of your comfort zone. Um, this sounds really like silly and kind of cutesy, but um when I'll just give an example. When I was 13, I think, um, was when I met Josh. Uh, we went to the skating rink. Viking skate. Oh my gosh, to a skate dance. And it was um a friend who had invited us. And um Josh and I met, we got along really well. She'd been friends with him forever, but she was like, afterwards, she gave me his phone number. And I was such a shy girl when I was growing up. And I was like, I gotta call him. Well, I called him, right? And if I had never called him, we probably wouldn't be together today. Oh, you know what I mean? Because we I called him and we talked on the phone every night for six months, right? And then even though life went on and we didn't necessarily talk that much throughout high school, like then we reconnected later on, and then here we are today. Right. And then I think even about like work. Um when I first started in the county, um, I was working extra help in the uh auditor's office. Um, and uh I it's not that I didn't like it, but I needed to find a permanent full-time position, and uh opportunity came up in personnel, totally different than what I really went to school for, uh, applied for it, um had gotten some feedback from people that I don't know if you really want to go down that route, and now I'm the head of personnel, right? Like if I had not taken that position, like I wouldn't be where I am today. And there's just so many like pivotal moments in life that I can think of that are just like you have to be brave, you have to be able to put yourself out there. I love that.
SPEAKER_01I think people are so worried about being uncomfortable. It's like uncomfortable, being uncomfortable is what helps you grow.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, that's what I want my kids to understand exactly. And I just it's so it's so everywhere. Like, I mean, I can both feel awkward and have moments of bravery, right? You know, so it's like you don't have to feel that way all the time, you'll always be out of your comfort zone, right? But I like that that's where you grow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think for myself, and I know it says, but don't tell anyone about it. Um, because my TikTok, I kind of do talk a lot, and I'm starting to talk more about things, but it would be accountability. I am super, super, super passionate about having accountability for yourself. And you know, in the aspect of relationships, friendships, I grew up in my household, there was a lack of accountability, and I didn't know any different until I got older and started learning. And I got to a point to where I was like, nope, this is not okay. And it's not that I call anyone out on it. That is something that I believe should be done privately. I don't think you should sit there and air people's dirty laundry out or call them out in front of a group of people or embarrass them or shame them. That's not at all what I believe in, but I am passionate about, you know, whether it's one of my children taking them off to the side after something happens and being like, hey, you know, you you have to accept responsibility. You did do this. This is the consequences, or this is what needs to happen next, but it's not. About embarrassing them because that was something that was not okay with me when I was growing up, seeing people be embarrassed about things or shamed in front of people, and it's like you did this, and it's a complete opposite of what I stand for. So being an adult now, I am very passionate about having accountability for yourself and owning it and growing from it and learning and moving on.
SPEAKER_01I love that. Accountability is also another way to grow.
SPEAKER_00It can feel very uncomfortable, trust me. I mean, I think I've just gotten to a point to where I'm like, okay, it is what it is, just accept it, move on. Um, and it's hard when people around you aren't quite there yet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, account accountability is a huge word that we use at my job every day because a lot of our families, if they don't take accountability for their situations, they're not able to move forward. Because if they feel like there's nothing wrong, then no change will happen. So yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_03When do you feel most like you?
SPEAKER_00To be honest.
SPEAKER_03That's impressive.
SPEAKER_00I feel like that's where I least feel like myself. Not because I'm inauthentic. I think more or less I'm in a people-pleasing industry. And if it's not like one of my good friends, like you guys sitting in my chair, and if it's a client and they're going through something or whatever. You're their therapist. Yeah, so I have to be kind of more like not myself. I mean, I can be like bubbly and fun, but then there might be the darker. Yeah, but yeah. So probably not. I don't know. I'm glad that you are at work though. That's great. That is great. I mean, it's a good quality to have.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. It tells you something about your work. And you know that you're a good fit there. Yeah. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I love my job. It's hard, but I love it.
SPEAKER_00I feel like myself the most when you're with your children on the sidelines getting spicy. Yeah, probably. It's a real me yelling, red card, red card. And it's not a red card. It's not a red card, it's not a red card. No, I'd probably say like maybe the the crafting days we have, or maybe even here during our podcast. I mean, yes, around my family too, of course, but I feel like I can really tap into like what truly like inspires me, especially during like the podcast, or like when we're having really good conversations during our crafting stuff. I feel like it's like the deep stuff in me that I want to talk about.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, raw. The real and raw stuff.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would agree. I think this has brought up a lot of really great conversations. It's kind of made us have to really look within, yeah, and be open. Um, so I would agree with that. I would also say, like when I'm with my mom, yeah. My mom's like my best friend, right? So um, you know, have a lot of great conversations. And Heidi is giving me a dirty look right now, and simply not because I'm the third wheel. She's started this.
SPEAKER_00I'd have to say around my mom, too.
SPEAKER_03I also like agree with you know, when you're around your family too. Like, there's just moments, there's different versions of you. Um is it weird for me to say that? Like, I feel like there's a me at work, and there's a me at with my mom, and there's a me with my kids and my family, and um, none of them are necessarily superior. Maybe there's ones where are more comfortable, you know, or more at peace. But like I love who I am as a mom in those moments, but also just as a person myself, I would say it's probably gonna be more so with my mom or with my friends where I can have these conversations.
SPEAKER_00Next question. What is a dream you let go of?
SPEAKER_03So I guess I I don't really looking back, it's hard to look at something and be like, I like all of that. And that was a dream. Um because I don't necessarily look back and regret or wish for anything to be different, but when I was younger, I thought I wanted to be a doctor, and then I took college biology and decided that I couldn't do it. So um my mind was just uh better suited for other types of learning, math-related topics and things like that. So um that's what comes to my mind. I can't sorry that's uh kind of a shallow answer, but I can't think of anything else right now.
SPEAKER_01Um I agree, that one is hard to answer. I feel like I never really knew what my dream was until now, and that is like what I'm working towards. Yeah. So I don't really feel like I let anything go, but I feel like I found it more so.
SPEAKER_03That's a great perspective.
SPEAKER_00Um, I I'd have to answer that in different times of my life or different seasons of my life, I had different dreams. So maybe I didn't pursue some of them, but I also embraced other dreams. Like I always wanted to be a mom since I was little. So I'm a mom. Yeah, you know. Um, but I wanted to be a lawyer, I wanted to go away to college, I wanted to travel the world. There's things, a couple of those that probably wouldn't do now, obviously. Um I could still travel one day though, and we kind of started that with our New York trip. So I'm not saying I let go of anything, but I think different seasons of life bring different dreams. And right now, podcast was one of mine, writing a book is another, so it's like they're not far out of reach. So what excuses do you make that hold you back?
SPEAKER_01I'm not smart enough. That held me back for a long time. I'm noticing a pattern, Heidi. No, honestly, that that is something that I told myself for a very long time that school wasn't for me, I'm not smart enough, I can't do it, all those, you know, insecurities what I let them win for a very long time.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm glad you have come to realize that you can do this. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01I have a lot of uh powerful women around me that have inspired me.
SPEAKER_00So I love that. Um, what was the question again? What excuses do you make that hold you back? I don't have time.
SPEAKER_03Someone will be mad at me if I don't do something. Um I mean it just depends on which one we're looking for. I say I don't have time sometimes if I just need, you know. Sometimes there's good reasons, right? But um it's easy to to say I don't have time and to, you know, not do something because of that. And then also that someone will be upset. I can't say no because someone will be upset. I can't ask for what I want because someone will be upset. Realistically, your friends and family, people who matter, should respect your boundaries and um the decisions that you make. So that's probably an excuse.
SPEAKER_00Um I think for a long time I told myself I couldn't write a book, like depending on the topic, because I have a couple different topics because there was already enough of those, or I couldn't do a podcast because there was enough of those. And it took like important people in my life that were like, no, you actually can. You know, there's a million of those, yes, but it doesn't mean you can't do that. So I think getting out of that mindset finally has released that in me, and I'm like, oh no, I can do it. I just need to put my mind to it.
SPEAKER_01Okay, ladies, all right.
SPEAKER_03Thanks for playing the game.
SPEAKER_01That was fun.
SPEAKER_03It was fun. Got deep. Until next time. See you on the sidelines.
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